From cozy knitter to concerned consumer

       Keeping cozy and busy indoors for the most part. A trip to town last tuesday in wind, rain, and ice was enough to make me want to hibernate a while longer. If we hadn't needed to stock up on a few things, including candles, and lamp oil (we have been having power outages, including one on sunday for over 24 hours) we would not have taken the chance on the treacherous roads. I just took it very slowly and Bob had country/western music playing in the CD player and the dogs came along, so it was actually a pleasant trip. 

         Yes, that is the afghan as it currently looks. I need to make it longer and add wide borders to the sides, top and bottom. I knit in a few rows every evening while we watch DVD's from the library. Pushing myself to paint is a bit harder. 

          I made a decision, also, to NOT purchase an iPad. I had planned to give myself this "toy" with some of the money from the selling of the Daffodil paintings but I found out that the factories in China where these things are made are sweatshops of horror. I also understand that for many of the workers the conditions back home in poor villages are even worse, but that doesn't make the slavery they endure at Foxconn and other factories right. Apple is making some efforts to improve things but it is not enough yet. People have actually been dying. Do I want to play with a gadget that somebody died to make? A gadget that no one in China actually gets to have for themselves? I realize that almost everything we purchase comes from the labour of some poor person in a third world country but taking a stand somewhere is better than not taking one at all. Please carefully consider every purchase. Do you really need that new thing? Even if it is bringing some economic improvement to a poor country, is it worth the pain they suffer? Eventually this will improve...a lot of workers quit when things get too much and it is harder now, I understand, to find worker replacements. This leads to factory owner implementing changes so they can attract workers and keep them. Apple is agreeing to oversee more improvements. Consumers are more aware now and voicing their protests. Until this happens I am steering clear. Maybe someday I can actually buy myself a wonderful iPad or other miraculous gadget and not have to feel bad about where it came from. That would be nice. Gee. I really, REALLY wanted one...

What's on the Board...Or Am I Just Bored?

       While I wait to see if Michael, my model, can make it up here in two days I started this small, 12"x12" painting. If the weather is ok he will be coming but right now it isn't looking good - lots of snow and ice already here and freezing rain predicted for friday. It almost seems like something is conspiring to keep me from doing this model-in-a-box project. I have worked and planned to make this as easy as possible, keeping the stress level low, but now things may have to be postponed once again. Meanwhile I have this enormous box sitting in my studio taking up valuable space and there is no place to move it and even if I could I think it would start to fall apart.

       This peony is a photo from our garden. I've wanted to do some closeup works of just the blossoms for some time and now that my Daffodil paintings have moved on to a new home I have blank spaces in my bedroom that need filling. I drew the image first and am now transferring it to a wood panel. A friend gave me several wood panel supports and this is my first try on one. It is supported in the back of the panel with wood strips along each edge...I put three coats of gesso on. I won't know until I start applying paint if I'm going to like this surface. I once did a painting on Clayboard and didn't like it at all but it was so expensive and I had already transferred a fairly complex image to it so I saw it through to the end. Also it was a gift for my parents' 50th Anniversary. I was able to use it successfully as a sample in my illustration portfolio back in the day when I did illustration and even had a rep. The result was actually pretty good but I have never used Clayboard again. Surface is too slick for my taste. I need more tooth.

     If this peony painting works out ok then I'll do a companion piece on another wood panel, probably of a yellow Iris. I think I'm needing projects that aren't too much of a strain on my brain. Is it typical winter doldrums? Maybe. At least the afghan I'm knitting is coming along nicely:-)  I'll show it to you when it's finished and maybe take orders...

An Auspicious Start to the New Year

Afternoon Sentinel I  & Afternoon Sentinel II,  oils,  each is 14"x18"

       SOLD! Both of these paintings have just become the property of a couple back in Ontario who have been faithful, ongoing collectors of my work for well over a dozen years. These were once called "portraits of daffodils" by an acquaintance when he first saw them in a gallery exhibition.  I liked that. I did not intend for these to be the usual "pretty" sort of floral fluff and tried to paint them showing the strength I felt from the flowers at the height of their spring beauty. The second image, unfortunately, is a bit over exposed (I really need to rephotograph it before I ship them off). The colours are strong and I called each of these, "Afternoon Sentinel", I and II as they appeared like guards at their post to me. In any case this bodes well for the first week of the new year and gives me that little kick in the butt I sometimes need - ok - that I almost always need. What is wrong with me I sometimes ask, that I don't spring out of bed every morning and dash to the studio and whip out a grand canvas? Each piece seems to require an intense part of my being and so I hover around the edges, thinking up the next works, and wondering what will happen and if they will ever actually be made. I am not and never will be a dash-it-off painter. I am a planner and a plodder. I've said it before. I did try to dash off that last still life with the apples and the bowl on some fabric. It is ok but when I look at it I do not feel its presence. 

       The afghan is progressing and now I've begun to work out some colour comps for a new quilt that I might make...or not. I seem to be happy to peruse all my knit, fabric, sewing and fibre art books and absorbing the colours and textures. The day will come, and maybe soon, when that will suddenly lose it's lustre for me and I'll be loading up the palate again gessoing some canvas. I'm still biding my time, even though I am fully aware that I don't have all that much left to bide.  No, I'm not dying (well, I am, but we all are), however, I am at an age where too much future planning and thinking that there is all the time in the world is just not practical. And I want what is left to be joyous, fun, and to leave behind concerns about where my "career" is going. Having this couple contact me to purchase this work is full justification for just being and doing since I know the work is going to a good and appreciative home. I think about all the work I have done that has been bought and now hanging in various places and realize that it is not too shabby for a legacy. To these kind (and certainly far-sighted, ever so cultured, and highly discriminating regarding art) people I will always be famous. The art might even be passed down to future generations and perhaps they too will find joy and delight in seeing the work on their walls. It's about as good as it gets.

Paint This Fruit Before It Rots

       The Napthol Red finally dried so I took out a couple of semi-large brushes, mixed up just a few colours (not my usual palatte) and splashed away. This isn't great art but I had fun. Good thing as the fruit is beginning to be on its way out. It was the first real painting I've done in ages. Once this dries I'll probably go back in and work more on the folds of fabric. I really enjoyed just letting stuff happen here and not trying to be too perfect, but I am hoping to get back some focus soon, start a series, paint something that means something to me. If the weather holds I can arrange for Mike Ward, the model, to come up to pose in the box which sits here in the studio like some mysterious sarcophagus or new age shrine that I dare not move because I'm not sure I could get it all back together again.

       I was thinking about a painting a series of unmade beds but I'm pretty sure that's been done already...the great thing about painting fabrics is that they hold a pose without getting hungry or saying they need a break.

       

       

A Step Back - A Step Ahead

       Just when I thought I was making some progress I had a sudden, unexpected setback. A week ago sunday I was sitting at the kitchen table finishing up addressing the envelopes for the 15 letters I was to send out for Amnesty International's Write for Rights campaign when I noticed I wasn't feeling well. I became restless, had to stand up, walk around, and suddenly rush for the bathroom; I'll spare you the details. Then the pain began, lower right abdomen and it felt also like I had been kicked in the kidney. Then after about a half hour I felt a bit better for a while and then it started all over again. This continued all day, pain, vomiting, etc. I just lay on the bed in a fetal position hoping I could die soon. By evening I wasn't too bad again and even managed to sleep pretty well through the night - not moving too much seemed to help keep the pain at bay. 

       Next morning I felt fairly ok so I got up, folded laundry, cleaned up in the kitchen, although I still didn't feel like eating (I hadn't eaten since the morning before). Then it all began again, only worse. I was doubled up and decided to call the doctor; they gave me an appointment for that evening (my doctor is an hour and a half away). By noon I realized I'd never make it until 7:20 at night so I asked Bob to call for help. He called 911 and inside of 15 minutes the ambulance arrived. I was deathly pale, freezing cold, nauseous and in terrible pain. They got me into the ambulance and into a hospital gown, and wrapped me in blankets and put very hot plastic bags in with me (they felt wonderful but I noticed they were practically burning the hands of the paramedic). She had me breathe in nitrous oxide during the hour trip to the hospital and it eased the pain considerably. My colour was better by then so I was placed on a blanket covered steel wheelchair, one of those extremely uncomfortable but sturdy types that you can't push around yourself, and wrapped me in blankets. I sat in the emergency waiting room for three hours. My blood pressure and heart rate were excellent so I wasn't considered a high risk to die or anything - it was kind of reassuring, sort of. But everyone in the waiting room was dressed except for ME and I kept hoping I wouldn't have to find a bathroom since all I had on was an open backed hospital gown, plus I wasn't walking too steadily at that point. 

       The emerg was crazy that day (one of the nurses used the word "crazy" so I know it wasn't me hallucinating or anything). A gunshot (hunting accident), a heart attack, and numerous fairly serious cuts came in after me and all had to take priority, to say nothing of the people who had been there before me. Finally I was wheeled into a small private room in emerg and somehow managed to give a urine sample (I really didn't think I would have it in me - I hadn't eaten or drunk anything in about 30 hours). Then blood was taken, more blood pressure and heart rate stuff for the umpteenth time. I was able to lay down at least and try to keep warm under one flannel blanket for the next four hours.  I was asked a lot of questions including "are you under stress?" and "are you depressed?" plus lots of poking and prodding. The pain was gone at least but I still did not feel hungry or thirsty - just weak and tired. At length I was told that I had a bladder infection and probable gall bladder problem. I needed to have an ultrasound for which I would have to come back later in the week. I called Bob and he had to come get me at nine o'clock at night. We stopped at a pharmacy that was still open and filled two prescriptions, including an antibiotic that was to knock me for a loop all of last week. The other was to take if I got pain and cramping back, which I did not. I was also instructed to take Metamuscil every day ( I've been vegetarian for years and get a LOT of fibre so I was surprised). I eat more greens, colourful veggies, and fruit than almost anyone I know, to say nothing of Bob's home made granola, whole grain breads, cereals, and other high fibre things. I even eat seaweed for pete's sake and I HATE seaweed. 

      So we got home by 11pm and I spent days laying around and was not even interested in reading for a couple of those days. I know I'm ill when I don't want to read. Slowly I felt a bit more motivated to be up and doing things, although I had almost every one of the awful side effects listed on the antibiotic notes. I had the last one saturday and that was great. I also went back for an ultrasound on friday and they spent a full hour pushing that little iron over my torso. I get the results tomorrow from my own doctor, who was notified and asked me to come in. 

       With not having to take any more pills I woke up sunday full of energy and motivation! I suddenly wanted to do everything, had more energy than in months. I even went for the morning walk with Bob and the dogs! And I have for the past three mornings, so I guess I'll be continuing from now on. I have started to plan some new work, and even got out all my knitting books and have some projects in mind for my stash, and started to design a new quilt for our bedroom. I wrote pages in my journal. I made dinner and two apple pies on monday. What has happened? I just hope it continues. The doldrums seem to be gone and I'm not going to question that too closely.

       I got a rejection notice for the above still life from a show I entered it in and I don't even care! Now that's progress.

The Red That Won't Die

          I have a simple still life that I set up for my student a week ago thursday and decided it would be a good exercise for me to paint it too. I fussed with the arrangement and lighting for quite some time, gessoed over an old painting that I never liked and the next day I put a red wash over the whole thing. I often like

a bright red underneath my work as it acts as an interesting brightening agent for colours painted over it. I decided to draw the shapes in Cerulean Blue since the blue lines against the bright red sometimes show through in places adding extra interest to the total composition. This has worked well for me in the past. I have a new colour I haven't used yet, Napthol Scarlet by Gamblin that I have been wanting to try so I decided to use it as the underpainting. BIG MISTAKE. It does not want to dry! Painting anything over it, even though it feels dry to the touch, causes a blurry, muddy result. It stains my fingers and brushes and rags and just seems to be the red that won't die! It has now been days! I had no intention of doing anything beyond a direct, quick study here as a way to restart my stalled painting motor but I can't do anything with this until it dries. It won't wipe off completely either. It just sits there in all its bright scarlet glory. I know, I   know, I could get out another canvas and start again but I can be stubborn and I don't want to do that...I want to paint on THIS canvas. And I have to get this done by next thursday as the model is coming to pose in the box for me and  this set up is draped off the top of that box and onto a table right in front of it. It has to be moved when Michael gets here.

Maybe it is something to do with this canvas. It is 12"x16" and I have had it for about 12 years. I painted a very bad plein air work on it when I was still at the Alton Mill in Ontario which I didn't bother to finish...I could see a disaster happening so I walked away and stored the canvas out of sight. Not wanting to invest too much in this "study" I am going to do I thought the canvas would be the perfect choice to gesso over and work on. Maybe it's a bad luck canvas. I am not normally superstitious but have you ever noticed that there do seem to be such things as "lucky" items and "unlucky" items in the world? Just labeling it in my mind as a sort of throw-away piece of canvas has possibly reflected in my brain and caused a lack of serious thought I normally give to more "important" pieces that I tackle. I did not test the Napthol Scarlet to see how it would act and presumed to use an untried method. At least this is not the disaster that Leonardo once had when in a moment of unconsidered competitiveness with Michelangelo he painted a hurried fresco in a method he didn't normally use and tried to dry it with bonfires built in the room - everything melted off the wall.

Now I have a good excuse to get back to my pile of books in the house. I'm half way through the last book in the The Baroque Cycle trilogy, (each book is over 1000 pages - yummy!) The whole time I'm curled up with my books, though, there is a nagging little gremlin in the back of my mind reminding me of my laziness. It's enough to make me almost believe I must have been  Lutheran in a former life.

Boxed In

       Now that I have committed to having Michael Ward, a wonderful model, come to my studio to pose for me next week I have found a bit of a fire under me to get ready for this occasion. I am actually planning and working toward the series I have wanted to do for a very long time and not being concerned about how long it will take or where it will be exhibited...or even if it will be exhibited. I am still scarcely touching brush to canvas but having the set up I need is going to change that. I have been building lately...a big box.

       It started with building a small model, scaled to hold the little plastic artist's figure that I have had hanging around for three or four years. I used to have one of those wooden artist's models but I think I gave it away. Anyway, I made the little box and put the figure inside and experimented with different ways to light it.

       This is just one of the things I tried. When I felt satisfied that this might work I asked Michael, the human model, what size box he would feel most comfortable with. I originally wanted it to be 30 inches square but we decided on 40 inches in the end. I spent a couple of days trying to figure an inexpensive method for building this box; I really don't want to spend money on real wood and have it carpenter perfect - it's going to be dismantled when I'm through with it. I have some large sheets of heavy cardboard and I cut two sides to the 40" size, reinforced one side with square dowl sticks (which I use for stretching silk when I silk paint), just taped on (with lots of tape!) and taped a large piece of cardboard over the top. I put together the 8" high model stand that I had used for posing Samanda last spring, covered it in soft velveteen that I had from an old futon cover and placed the box on top. I had to  support it by tying it to the stairs in the center of my studio, put a spotlight low behind the set up, and draped a cloth over the back.  The next day I decided I didn't like the dark look; the colour of the cardboard, the purple of the floor cloth, or the dark background cloth. I spent yesterday taking everything apart, moving the models stand to a better position, and covering the inside of the box in white fabric. 

       Now it's beginning to look right and it is surprisingly sturdy and easy to move around in. I can practise lighting from different angles and may even cut a hole in the side to light it that way. I sure hope all the tape holding everything together holds up for the next week. I really don't want to have to reconstruct this thing again.

       Reminds me a bit of those Primal Scream boxes that were all the fad about thirty years ago.