Paint This Fruit Before It Rots

       The Napthol Red finally dried so I took out a couple of semi-large brushes, mixed up just a few colours (not my usual palatte) and splashed away. This isn't great art but I had fun. Good thing as the fruit is beginning to be on its way out. It was the first real painting I've done in ages. Once this dries I'll probably go back in and work more on the folds of fabric. I really enjoyed just letting stuff happen here and not trying to be too perfect, but I am hoping to get back some focus soon, start a series, paint something that means something to me. If the weather holds I can arrange for Mike Ward, the model, to come up to pose in the box which sits here in the studio like some mysterious sarcophagus or new age shrine that I dare not move because I'm not sure I could get it all back together again.

       I was thinking about a painting a series of unmade beds but I'm pretty sure that's been done already...the great thing about painting fabrics is that they hold a pose without getting hungry or saying they need a break.

       

       

A Step Back - A Step Ahead

       Just when I thought I was making some progress I had a sudden, unexpected setback. A week ago sunday I was sitting at the kitchen table finishing up addressing the envelopes for the 15 letters I was to send out for Amnesty International's Write for Rights campaign when I noticed I wasn't feeling well. I became restless, had to stand up, walk around, and suddenly rush for the bathroom; I'll spare you the details. Then the pain began, lower right abdomen and it felt also like I had been kicked in the kidney. Then after about a half hour I felt a bit better for a while and then it started all over again. This continued all day, pain, vomiting, etc. I just lay on the bed in a fetal position hoping I could die soon. By evening I wasn't too bad again and even managed to sleep pretty well through the night - not moving too much seemed to help keep the pain at bay. 

       Next morning I felt fairly ok so I got up, folded laundry, cleaned up in the kitchen, although I still didn't feel like eating (I hadn't eaten since the morning before). Then it all began again, only worse. I was doubled up and decided to call the doctor; they gave me an appointment for that evening (my doctor is an hour and a half away). By noon I realized I'd never make it until 7:20 at night so I asked Bob to call for help. He called 911 and inside of 15 minutes the ambulance arrived. I was deathly pale, freezing cold, nauseous and in terrible pain. They got me into the ambulance and into a hospital gown, and wrapped me in blankets and put very hot plastic bags in with me (they felt wonderful but I noticed they were practically burning the hands of the paramedic). She had me breathe in nitrous oxide during the hour trip to the hospital and it eased the pain considerably. My colour was better by then so I was placed on a blanket covered steel wheelchair, one of those extremely uncomfortable but sturdy types that you can't push around yourself, and wrapped me in blankets. I sat in the emergency waiting room for three hours. My blood pressure and heart rate were excellent so I wasn't considered a high risk to die or anything - it was kind of reassuring, sort of. But everyone in the waiting room was dressed except for ME and I kept hoping I wouldn't have to find a bathroom since all I had on was an open backed hospital gown, plus I wasn't walking too steadily at that point. 

       The emerg was crazy that day (one of the nurses used the word "crazy" so I know it wasn't me hallucinating or anything). A gunshot (hunting accident), a heart attack, and numerous fairly serious cuts came in after me and all had to take priority, to say nothing of the people who had been there before me. Finally I was wheeled into a small private room in emerg and somehow managed to give a urine sample (I really didn't think I would have it in me - I hadn't eaten or drunk anything in about 30 hours). Then blood was taken, more blood pressure and heart rate stuff for the umpteenth time. I was able to lay down at least and try to keep warm under one flannel blanket for the next four hours.  I was asked a lot of questions including "are you under stress?" and "are you depressed?" plus lots of poking and prodding. The pain was gone at least but I still did not feel hungry or thirsty - just weak and tired. At length I was told that I had a bladder infection and probable gall bladder problem. I needed to have an ultrasound for which I would have to come back later in the week. I called Bob and he had to come get me at nine o'clock at night. We stopped at a pharmacy that was still open and filled two prescriptions, including an antibiotic that was to knock me for a loop all of last week. The other was to take if I got pain and cramping back, which I did not. I was also instructed to take Metamuscil every day ( I've been vegetarian for years and get a LOT of fibre so I was surprised). I eat more greens, colourful veggies, and fruit than almost anyone I know, to say nothing of Bob's home made granola, whole grain breads, cereals, and other high fibre things. I even eat seaweed for pete's sake and I HATE seaweed. 

      So we got home by 11pm and I spent days laying around and was not even interested in reading for a couple of those days. I know I'm ill when I don't want to read. Slowly I felt a bit more motivated to be up and doing things, although I had almost every one of the awful side effects listed on the antibiotic notes. I had the last one saturday and that was great. I also went back for an ultrasound on friday and they spent a full hour pushing that little iron over my torso. I get the results tomorrow from my own doctor, who was notified and asked me to come in. 

       With not having to take any more pills I woke up sunday full of energy and motivation! I suddenly wanted to do everything, had more energy than in months. I even went for the morning walk with Bob and the dogs! And I have for the past three mornings, so I guess I'll be continuing from now on. I have started to plan some new work, and even got out all my knitting books and have some projects in mind for my stash, and started to design a new quilt for our bedroom. I wrote pages in my journal. I made dinner and two apple pies on monday. What has happened? I just hope it continues. The doldrums seem to be gone and I'm not going to question that too closely.

       I got a rejection notice for the above still life from a show I entered it in and I don't even care! Now that's progress.

The Red That Won't Die

          I have a simple still life that I set up for my student a week ago thursday and decided it would be a good exercise for me to paint it too. I fussed with the arrangement and lighting for quite some time, gessoed over an old painting that I never liked and the next day I put a red wash over the whole thing. I often like

a bright red underneath my work as it acts as an interesting brightening agent for colours painted over it. I decided to draw the shapes in Cerulean Blue since the blue lines against the bright red sometimes show through in places adding extra interest to the total composition. This has worked well for me in the past. I have a new colour I haven't used yet, Napthol Scarlet by Gamblin that I have been wanting to try so I decided to use it as the underpainting. BIG MISTAKE. It does not want to dry! Painting anything over it, even though it feels dry to the touch, causes a blurry, muddy result. It stains my fingers and brushes and rags and just seems to be the red that won't die! It has now been days! I had no intention of doing anything beyond a direct, quick study here as a way to restart my stalled painting motor but I can't do anything with this until it dries. It won't wipe off completely either. It just sits there in all its bright scarlet glory. I know, I   know, I could get out another canvas and start again but I can be stubborn and I don't want to do that...I want to paint on THIS canvas. And I have to get this done by next thursday as the model is coming to pose in the box for me and  this set up is draped off the top of that box and onto a table right in front of it. It has to be moved when Michael gets here.

Maybe it is something to do with this canvas. It is 12"x16" and I have had it for about 12 years. I painted a very bad plein air work on it when I was still at the Alton Mill in Ontario which I didn't bother to finish...I could see a disaster happening so I walked away and stored the canvas out of sight. Not wanting to invest too much in this "study" I am going to do I thought the canvas would be the perfect choice to gesso over and work on. Maybe it's a bad luck canvas. I am not normally superstitious but have you ever noticed that there do seem to be such things as "lucky" items and "unlucky" items in the world? Just labeling it in my mind as a sort of throw-away piece of canvas has possibly reflected in my brain and caused a lack of serious thought I normally give to more "important" pieces that I tackle. I did not test the Napthol Scarlet to see how it would act and presumed to use an untried method. At least this is not the disaster that Leonardo once had when in a moment of unconsidered competitiveness with Michelangelo he painted a hurried fresco in a method he didn't normally use and tried to dry it with bonfires built in the room - everything melted off the wall.

Now I have a good excuse to get back to my pile of books in the house. I'm half way through the last book in the The Baroque Cycle trilogy, (each book is over 1000 pages - yummy!) The whole time I'm curled up with my books, though, there is a nagging little gremlin in the back of my mind reminding me of my laziness. It's enough to make me almost believe I must have been  Lutheran in a former life.

Boxed In

       Now that I have committed to having Michael Ward, a wonderful model, come to my studio to pose for me next week I have found a bit of a fire under me to get ready for this occasion. I am actually planning and working toward the series I have wanted to do for a very long time and not being concerned about how long it will take or where it will be exhibited...or even if it will be exhibited. I am still scarcely touching brush to canvas but having the set up I need is going to change that. I have been building lately...a big box.

       It started with building a small model, scaled to hold the little plastic artist's figure that I have had hanging around for three or four years. I used to have one of those wooden artist's models but I think I gave it away. Anyway, I made the little box and put the figure inside and experimented with different ways to light it.

       This is just one of the things I tried. When I felt satisfied that this might work I asked Michael, the human model, what size box he would feel most comfortable with. I originally wanted it to be 30 inches square but we decided on 40 inches in the end. I spent a couple of days trying to figure an inexpensive method for building this box; I really don't want to spend money on real wood and have it carpenter perfect - it's going to be dismantled when I'm through with it. I have some large sheets of heavy cardboard and I cut two sides to the 40" size, reinforced one side with square dowl sticks (which I use for stretching silk when I silk paint), just taped on (with lots of tape!) and taped a large piece of cardboard over the top. I put together the 8" high model stand that I had used for posing Samanda last spring, covered it in soft velveteen that I had from an old futon cover and placed the box on top. I had to  support it by tying it to the stairs in the center of my studio, put a spotlight low behind the set up, and draped a cloth over the back.  The next day I decided I didn't like the dark look; the colour of the cardboard, the purple of the floor cloth, or the dark background cloth. I spent yesterday taking everything apart, moving the models stand to a better position, and covering the inside of the box in white fabric. 

       Now it's beginning to look right and it is surprisingly sturdy and easy to move around in. I can practise lighting from different angles and may even cut a hole in the side to light it that way. I sure hope all the tape holding everything together holds up for the next week. I really don't want to have to reconstruct this thing again.

       Reminds me a bit of those Primal Scream boxes that were all the fad about thirty years ago.

Studio time actually beginning to be productive

     Returning to painting mode. Worked on this a bit on tuesday when I went to the art group and then finished it today. At least it feels done enough that I can move on. That's what studies are good for, trying things, making yourself put brush to canvas, and finding out what's going to work and what isn't. I have no vested emotions here but I do have a possible buyer, which is always nice!

     Speaking of buyers, I got a message asking about purchasing the "Lisa" painting yesterday and it sounded pretty good but I have become so skeptical and cynical that I didn't trust it. Good thing. Today the person completely ignored my specifications for payment and shipping etc. and tried to tell me how he wanted to do things 'cause he's on his way to India on a business trip and then moving to Johannesburg and needs the painting "quickly" and wants his shipper to contact me, etc., etc. Bells, whistles, red flags. It's a scam, I'm pretty certain. Ah well. 

       The model I want to use has been back in touch and I think we are going to be getting together fairly soon. He has some stuff that could help me with my thoughts for posing him...being an artist himself and having worked with so many great professional photographers he knew exactly what I meant when I put my ideas to him. Getting started on a major project would be wonderful so I am feeling more hopeful. I don't want to go into details about any of this yet...don't want to take away its power or jinx it. I have a tendency to just tell everybody everything and often to my detriment. When it starts to happen I can get all Chatty Kathy about it. Hey, I'm thrilled to even HAVE any ideas about anything these days.

Where's a "Clapper" when you need one?

       

        It's official. I've fallen in a slump and trying very hard to get up! A hand clapping "Clapper" would be a nice thing to have right now...send for help. But, I actually contacted a model I have wanted to use for quite some time to see if he would be willing to make a trade with me; modeling in exchange for some art. I think he will be ok with it. Great model. I need some good inspiration right now. Then I came across a blog today that really helped:

http://marlathirsk.blogspot.com

Marla has an interesting take on things. I could use more of an interesting take on things these days. Thanks, Marla. I don't even know you, but thanks.

We've had rain and snow and a bit of ok almost sunshine. It's getting darker earlier. I have no ambition. I am actually COOKING a lot these days. I hate to cook. Trying out a bunch of new vegan recipes. Most are actually delicious and intriguing so that's good. It keeps me from thinking about all the painting I'm not doing. 

I have a student now. She came two weeks ago and is coming again this thursday. I set up some stuff for her to work from. Telling somebody else to draw and paint might get a fire built under me.

Tomorrow I am going to pull myself together, get out of the house by 8am and get down to the art group session, which I have been missing week after week. Even if only one other person is there it will help. I need some connection. Bob is great but he doesn't draw or paint and has some trouble relating to this problem I'm having. The three dogs are great too, but they don't draw or paint either. I like being alone, quite a lot, but not THIS alone. Stimulation. Some feeling of enthusiasm that makes me want to get out to this studio to work on some painting every single minute! Where did it go? I've been here before so I figure it will pass...but in the meantime it sucks. 

Think I'll go in and make a stuffed tofu/fake turkey roast.

Step in the right direction

     I chained myself to my art table (well, not literally) and worked this afternoon to overcome what was rapidly becoming a self defeating attitude. (Thanks Bruce for, once again, giving the needed pep talk:-). It is not the end of the world when the mind blocks but it sure is distracting. I started to feel it coming back and while this is not a top drawer piece it is beginning to have some of the sense of control that my personality type requires. I don't mind happy accidents but I do like to have a fairly close connection and concept to what the heck I'm doing. Choosing an all white setup was probably not the smartest way to jump back in. The light was changing a bit from the window and the overhead lights added some unwanted yellow cast but next session I might get out my colour corrected light stand and go over this again. Or just start something else. Right now I have to get back to all the petitions for world justice that I have lined up to sign. Apparently when enough individuals gather together to say the same thing the powers that be sometimes listen,(Occupy Wall Street case in point), although I have to admit I am glad there isn't a group out there getting ready to occupy my studio right now.